On my fifteenth birthday I joined the queue in our school election dressed as Alex from Clockwork Orange,it was to be the third and final time I put myself forward as Celebrity Year Rep. Dr Congo aka Carl Holmes and his grotty sidekick Kid Congo aka Philip Jameson were ahead of me, threatening the year 7's and whooping like angry apes.
" WHOYAGUNNAVOTEFORGIRLYFACE " Carl spoke without punctuation or obvious signs of breathing, I wondered once more how long I could hold his head under water and again decided the answer most would come to is not long enough.
" Me, Carl, I'm standing for election too "
"WELLHOWSABOUTHATTHENYOUBESTVOTEFORYOUTHENASITLLBETHEONLYUNYOUGET"
I let this go without comment, been around the school long enough to know when to remain silent.
" Come on come on Mr Gadd, take a slip and pop it into the box over there" Mr Harris growled at me without looking up from his desk, a knack he'd perfected long before I'd started at the school.
"SLIPITINTHEBOX!" Jameson blew up in a adolescent snort of wit as his mentor shoved me in the chest with his makeshift spear.
I walked forwards, holding my head high, trying hard not to let my bowler hat drop.
