Postcards from Kronk - the second collection of daily stories. (2025)

The American authority have outlawed drone warfare on homeland soil but quietly approved its use for tracking criminal gangs into south america. The sound produced is imperceptible, a low drone resonating at such a frequency that even two to three minutes exposure causes the white and red blood cells to vibrate at different rates due to their relative densities. They intend to send it out in the dead space in the cell phone signals, those pings back and forth used for sms messages. That's the art in the operation : the drone senders need to be absolutely sure who is using the phone at any one moment. It starts at midnight and it shouldn't be too long before we know what happens.

"No more quick pints that turn into late apologetic phones calls, we move in together or I go window shopping." He wasn't listening properly and paused a few seconds too long, catching her eye Callum understood he'd have a lifetime to make it up to her but that didn't seem a bad deal.

The next big thing never arrives in towns like mine, buses full of city people drive in at the weekends to take photographs of us going about our daily chores. Growing up in a place like Delton makes you feel like an exhibit, a curiosity the circus had left behind. That was why, at Greg's leaving party, we were all nervous, he was 21, like us and had won a scholarship to the big fashion school in the city. He'd even been interviewed on the radio and everything, saying how he wasn't leaving Delton, that it was like a holiday and when he returned he'd make the town proud and put us on the map, once and for all. If you sit in the shadows for long enough the sun looks more a cancer - that was how Marnie put it. And that was how it felt - we liked our world, no matter how strange it appeared and weren't sure we wanted it to change. Greg never made it back to Delton, sent us a drawing for a portable scanner we could wear when we went ratting, told us it would be...

From inside the helmet Stuart Johnston felt like a little boy buying rizlas, any confrontation, no matter how tiny would shatter his belief. ' Sentamu is happy', He held his breath for a few seconds before the cheers began and his fear receded. 'You have worked hard again this year and now our time is almost here. No more will we hide like vermin, wait tables and scrub floors...' Stuart felt waves of pure energy surge from the crowd into him as the doors to the barn were heaved open and the fruits of their toil stepped forwards blocking out the moon. A communal gasp and then more cheering. 'Sentamu will lead you back to your rightful place-' Then, as the first figure fell forwards crushing those too slow or packed in tight, Stuart once more saw he was wearing a bucket.

Ernest Bordonni understood the difference between cartoons and reality with great clarity approximately four seconds after spotting the giant black circle painted on a wall, his passengers unfortunately never reached this moment of epiphany although, truth be told, most didn't live long enough to regret it.

Uncle Parnie never knew the right thing to say, right up until the moment we poured that first spadeful of soil into his mouth, the great galoot.

The reforms that led to two thirds of education workers leaving the profession are the only reason that thousands of incompetent and discredited former teachers have found themselves pardoned for their previous misdemeanors. The move, miraculously popular with those that own news corporations has been christened the  ' second chance' philosophy and we see now, our prime minister, bathed in moonlight  dislocating his jaw to feast on live mice.