Postcards from Kronk - the second collection of daily stories. (2025)

The shopkeeper refused to sell me the pair of trainers I wanted, Puma high tops torquoise and black, she said I was too old and would rather lose a sale than send me out looking like a clown. I didn't take it very well, no I went back and I did something I now regret.

Emerging from the lift shaft Mr and Mrs Chandler appeared to have blacked up and resembled cartoon minstrels strolling in from dixie. "That's typical isn't it", Mr Chandler scowls, "you only rescue us when we go black " The gathered liberal firemen bow their heads in shame.

I watch until my Peugeot 307 becomes a dot on the horizon rubbing the side of my head where Louise first indicated her surprise at my news. As I walked I remember the unexpected swiftness of her fists, if she is at home when I get there I'm going to be very quiet. 

Stay calm, I’m going to tell you a secret, a really big secret, bigger than tesco, bigger than Jupiter. There are times when the weight of coincidence outgrows our understanding of the world. This causes changes fundamental changes to what is, what was and what will be. Most times the new reality is written over the old, leaving no trace of the original, much like when you hit save instead of save as and lose your previous document. Yet sometimes, fragments remain which become folk lore and legend or evolution or enlightenment, those moments of déjà-vu? ; the way we know when we are being watched even though our backs are turned? These are all remnants of realities consigned to the worlds recycle bin. And now, why I am here; there are people next door, workers, in your kitchen, who shouldn’t be here anymore, descendants of the first erect apes that never made it this far. You see creating our world is complex, far more complex than even I can understand and sometimes there are mistake...

It was my second week of working in the mobile library and the first time I'd met Dan. As we wrestled to establish superiority I remembered Mr Jobs, my old English teacher waging war on those he viewed as less than human, androids in school uniforms. Basically anyone who didn't cry when the dog dies in Of Mice and Men. The library is only ever full when it's raining.

We found a body at elevent nineteen this morning. Lamai had never felt one of lifes winners and staring across at her sleeping oaf of a husband she thought, not for the first time of plunging a knife into his chest. Instead, she sat and ate a bowl of dried sunflower seeds, peppered with soft dates and turned each obscene, snore-cough into a word. By the time her bowl had been refilled with noodles and broth she'd ticked off hat, motor car, jealousy, leapfrog and satsuma. In this way Lamai happily passed an hour before Arthur belched himself awake. This is what happened before the drowning. We are sure of these facts.

 I can confirm that the officer responsible for the sign asking for help with a murder incident in Loscombe Hall will never be asked to do so again. And yes, thank you, I am aware we are now investigating two murders. Any other smart questions Columbo ?