Postcards from Kronk - the second collection of daily stories. (2025)

The latest hole to appear is the shape of bowling pin, about a foot across at its base, widening slightly to 18 " before narrowing and forming a neatly turned head 4 '6 high. If you stand on one side and look through the gap you can see the edge of the co-op , part of a bus shelter and the common ground behind both, in the distance an enclosed MUGA, Multi Use Games Area, which iss rarely used for games at all, well not sporting ones anyway. If you stand the other side, you can see number 37 and a bit of a street lamp. When these events were first reported it was naturally assumed to be the work of students or artists, the precision of the beer bottle and claw hammer seemed impossible to arise naturally. But when the third section of wall, part of the library, began to crumble whilst a wedding party posed for photographs outside, at least 14 different videos showed the wall crumbling away, nibbled until the shape of a capital T was created. There are now unreported ...

A Viking silver hoard is a treasure, as is a five year old making rose perfume for mothers day, what isn't treasure is having your granddad stuffed and placed in his favourite chair to remind you of the good times. Charlie outlines  this argument again and again but feels Paddy is ignoring his pleas, ' you're just a kid Charlie '. In less than fifteen days Paddy will die yet Charlie is still more worried about Feng Shui than losing a grandparent.

Thank you for this opportunity to speak. When I was a youngster I'd steal things, not small things like other kids but big things like dustbins and alsatians. And I was damn good at it too, took them and returned them all before their owners realised, had a gift I guess you could say. I know that's not the sort of thing I should be saying, I'm sorry. I dedicated my life to it, didn't learn it from masters in temples or any of that I just practiced and now, I'm here, you're there aren't you. And what you really want to know is why that lift shaft is empty, am I right or are you just yanking my chain?

Ok, run that by me again. ... a bank holiday for all of course ... flags and streamers at least ... coverage on telly ( at least ITV, preferably BBC) will you consider channel 4 ... as a last resort good, and... ... and Catweasel to officiate a ceremony yes, Catweasel..? ... the skinny wrestler and you're sure this is what the Queen wants ... Ha ha, no, of course not, but it wants she gonna get... I'll have to speak to people and get back to you

The girl with the Alice band licks the tips of her fingers and sticks her hand out of the bus window. No one notices this happening except me. She is totally beautiful. I thought this when we first met a month ago and since then I've followed her. Tomorrow I'll introduce myself and she will be my friend.

Sitting in the waiting room at St Pancras station drinking tea too hot to hold comfortably I stared at silent footage of pop stars and politicians on the TV screen helpfully erected for us in the corner of the coffee shop. Something caught my eye, a rolling headline ending with ' make new Mekong finds' and for the briefest of micro seconds I confuse Mekong with the Mekon and understand with great clarity and calmness we are now in  Dan Dares world. A place where alien overlords plot, robot armies are controlled by a talking cat and fight smugglers and I can't trust anyone as they may be a doppelganger grown from a pod. I felt myself smiling, no, I felt myself grinning. I've never stopped grinning and also never got back on that train.

Somewhere along my life important things have been overwritten by less important things. I know how to ski but can't remember what it felt like to kiss Charlotte. The taste of her lips, the smell of her breath. I came to the church by taxi not out of respect or guilt but out of practicality. As the hymn starts and I check my phone for an important email I hope no one is watching.