January 21 Prawn boat found without skipper

They laughed when he announced his intention to become a sailor. If you drew a pirate and then changed every detail to its opposite it would look like more or less like Walter Harkness. His skin smelt of Lenor and his stubble too sparse to form a goatee let alone a full blown beard, Walt was no Richard Dreyfus and Hemington on Sea was no Amity Island.

But he had a dream and nothing it seemed, would stop him.

The boat had looked out of place behind the Citroen C5 saloon, like seeing Neil Armstrong leaving Apollo waving a Zulu spear above his head : only much faster. As it sat outside on his block paving Walt's first worry was how it could stay afloat: there were more repairs than original timber but after three months hard work the rough edges had been sanded, the gaps plugged and the rust removed.

Over a hundred people had turned out to see him set sail on his maiden voyage. Walt already had an order with the local restaurant for all the prawns he could catch. He'd become a minor celebrity and the local newspaper had interviewed him twice. Why am I doing this? He'd been asked that question so many times.

They found the boat 19 hours later 32 miles further up the coast on the north. There was no fishing equipment, nothing except a note that was left in a bottle, it read: The sea is cold and there's land underneath it.

Walter resurfaced 12 days later.

January 20 Terror detention change announced

The rule on detaining people for terror offences has today been widened to include inciting peril, sheep worrying, advertising 'crazy' sales and beginning any telephone conversation with the words ' is this a convenient time ?'

January 19 Fraud detectives arrest coroner

Edward Hopper painted pictures of dislocation, human beings failing to communicate, locked in their own thought, the moments before or after an event. Dennis Hopper showed what it looks like to be on the outside and not want entry to the inside, his eyes, his very being struggling to cage the emotions inside. Marlon Hopper has been identified as the seventh victim of Roxanne LeClerc, the coroner currently being investigated for unseemly photographic tableaus. The image showing Hopper leaning forwards in a chair dressed as Whistlers mother was found three weeks after the photograph commonly referred to as Seven Brides for Seven Hoppers was leaked to the Daily Express. Speculation is rife but LeClerc isn't talking.

January 18 Home admits failings after death

The hoover felt awkward at being named as an accomplice, hadn't he always done his best in the circumstances and wasn't the fact that the dust was airborne most of the time being conveniently ignored ?

January 17 Apple boss take 'medical leave'.

Interior of modern convenience store, towards the front of the stage is an angry woman, skin the colour of a peach on the turn, she punctuates her words by poking a cigarette in the face of a younger woman.
'That's the fifteenth box we've had to throw out today, I'm glad he's gone, I hope they get someone in who knows how to grow things this time: will you just look at the shape of that?'

The younger woman nods meekly and tries to avoid an eye full of smoke.

January 16 Mayor ‘opposing aviation policy’

A debate has been held in the council chambers questioning the recent banning of commercial aircraft from flying after darkness. The Mayor reiterated his claim that the recent disappearance of two planes has been down to the old ones returning, plucking the aircraft from the sky. The airport chief again stated the planes had flown to Marrakesh and would return in five days. The argument to overturn the ban was defeated but will be looked at again when the airport chief can make contact with the pilots.

January 15 Empty planes sent out to Tunisia

We sit each night sending paper boats out to sea, sending empty planes to Tunisia.

Someday, one morning in the distant future we're told we will stop remembering; until then we send out our hope and hope our love seeks her out.

January 14 First green light for free school

They weren't allowed to turn it on till the morning. Maurice had tried to imagine what a green light would look like, how things would change but found it too boggling: it was only six months since the artists had discovered this new colour. Six months and already it was being trialled. Tomorrow is soon enough.

Each of the governors had gathered together to sleep in the new hall. Various sizes of camp beds and put me ups breaking up the strict herringbone flooring. It was his turn to stay awake, the bulb was nestled in the safe place and the dogs were patrolling the grounds. He looked at the clock on the wall and then checked it against his watch, time was racing, a few more revolutions and it would be over.

For the last two months there had been private tests apparently, the papers were full of rumours, you couldn't turn on a radio without a phone in or a leak from a respected source. Some claimed the new colour made metal transparent, some that it was like gazing into the devils heart. Seven lucky schools had been selected to be the first public organisations to be given the new colour. Maurice checked the time again; the minutes were speeding up to match his heart.

January 13 ‘Galaxy city’ seen in its youth

This is where we live now, what you messing about for? It's more than we deserve, more than you deserve you waster.

Stop biting that, I told you to leave it behind don't you ever listen?

Fifty families had been transported in the initial stages.

This is a mistake; we're not like these people.

They walk off from the pack and keep walking until the voices grow quiet, a small man and a larger woman, he holds her hand and looks up at her. Their daughter is alive and the world is warm and infinite and everything they need is in her eyes.

January 12 Five Held in Irish pork enquiry

After a glass or two of the brown stuff Ernst Krenek would talk of his snake oil days, living on his wits, travelling by boxcar and jumping out of bored wives bedrooms in the nick of time. He was, he'd say to anyone who would listen, an entrepreneur when it was still a term of abuse with warranties shorter than the time it took to close a door. A westerner in all but nationality.

Most, if not all of this, was hogwash. Krenek, for all his bluff and bluster, never had the bottle to place himself in real jeopardy. A bit of creative accounting sometimes, exaggeration of the benefits of the various items he sold door to door and shortness of windows of opportunities but nothing more dangerous than that.

Until that is, he was made an offer by Otakar Zich, one of the most trustworthy souls between here and the afterlife. That reputation was enough to convince Ernst Krenek to buy fifteen hundred pounds of Irish Pork and led to the epidemic of Salmonella that hospitalised fifteen members of the Czech royal family.

January 11 Jones warns over no ‘No’ campaign

Since they landed on the moon there had been problems. Lines had been drawn in moon sand, alliances formed and pledges announced. At the last count thirteen people had lost their lives directly and another four had died indirectly from the disagreements.

Jones, the leader of the 'Earths Dead – Deal with It coalition' had buried two members of his own family and wondered again if he had enough bite left in him. Public opinion was waning and some he counted upon as his strongest supporters had abandoned the cause, some to the hills whilst others had crossed the divide.

'You're running away from too much Jones'

The ballot was to be held on Saturday; the proposal was to use the last of the fuel to make a final journey to see if life could be re-established on the mother planet. The ship could only take 44 passengers, even squeezing them in like sardines; he knew this as it had been tried many times. The colony now numbered 78. No one had asked what would happen to those left behind but everyone had an opinion.

Still he was growing tired now; no one believed they needed to run a counter proposal, to say 'no, we're in the together'. It was too familiar.

'It'll work out'

'Don't get so wound up old man, you're really looking your age now'

Fewer listened day by day, by Saturday he'd be on his own, by Sunday they may wish they'd made more of an effort.

January 10 Call to improve streets for blind

Humphrey Hudson smiled as he watched young James McCarthy awkwardly receive an embrace from the Mayor. His judgement had been proved right, McCarthy, barely able to grow enough stubble to sand a bar of soap yet capable of seeing things no one else could imagine. Three months since his appointment to the project and they were on the verge of civic planning history.

Three hundred and forty seven yards , the length of Gilmore Street had been provided for the trial and tonight was the grand opening. Hudson held his daughters hand tight and felt her squeeze it back.

The mayor tapped on the microphone, took a blindfold from his pocket and addressed the gathered crowd

'To walk a mile in someone's shoes you need to know which way is north' he began.

January 9 Village house fire ‘open minds’

Jackson had been missing for nearly eight hours when the search was called off. Marie refused to leave at first, her face blackened, her eyes cried out. He watched and waited, another hour or so he guessed, just needed to stay patient, breathe in the petrol and trust in his vision.

January 8 Couple treated after fire at flat

What a community spirit, they'd come from all over with arms bulging. Answering calls on telegraph poles, a chair from Grace, a rug from the Robertsons, everything was replaced. This was why they'd moved to the valley in the first place. It had been worth it thought Juliet as she snuggled up to Dustin, James would never have agreed to a leather suite.

January 7 Grooming gang ringleaders jailed

Almost a week passed before the ringleaders were locked up. Twenty seven innocent victims groomed against their will. Two were sprayed whilst travelling on the bus, a further five had received Indian head massages in cinemas and theatres and a further five had their nails painted whilst standing in queues. The rest of the cases had occurred on the way to court and included two members of the press and a court officer.

January 6 Global spam levels suddenly fall

The rumours had been rife for weeks but it took a disappearing Kiwi fruit live on NBC television for the authorities to confirm that 'things are going missing'. Since then a growing number of food stuffs have begun to vanish; spam and other cured meats are the latest items to have been declared a food in danger of extinction. The religious leaders are all scratching their heads and are hoping to have an answer before the scientists.

January 5 Cook glad to end lonely summer

The sad and lonely summer of Maurice Chevau ended with him sitting quite still, legs dangling over the edge of Ricardo Montalban House. The last dish he'd prepared had been sent back untouched. A delicate filet of sole with a light but tangy lemon and caper drizzle, it was his signature dish, the one that had won the heart of his first girlfriend.

'when you get home will you call me?'

It would be easy to describe his death in cooking terms, poured from one pan into the waiting soup below, his body loose and spaghetti like as it folds in on itself in the air.

But that wasn't how it was, nothing approaching that in fact.

The strange truth of the matter is that Maurice had never lifted a Sabatier in his life, he was no more a chef than a lump of coal.

'I can meet you after work if you like?'

The credits are out of focus, the faux thirties style is too sharp and computer generated. Maurice is left on the edge and inside Daniel O'Rourke starts making plans.

January 4 Germans warned about tainted eggs

The Bundespolizei in Koblenz today released Gunter Hirsch, 52, the unemployed graphic designer at the centre of the recent egg contamination scandal. Speaking through his Lawyer Hirsch claimed that although the authorities had investigated the claims and restrictions on the sale of eggs had now been lifted there were still dangers to what he calls the 'good nature' of those who ate them. He also confirmed that a magazine deal had been agreed and more revelations will be in this weekends Bunte.

January 3 Body found after boat overturns

It wasn't even a storm. One of those picture book scenes designed for shortbread tins; mountains either side, a field of cool green water flat as glass holding them apart, nature in perfect balance, the ying and the yang.

No one even noticed the boy was missing.

January 2 Thousands face water restrictions

You can catch it so easily. First your hair starts thinning, a little at first, most didn't notice. Then there's a change in the aroma of the afflicted person, a ripening smell, similar to bananas left too long in the sun. That's the accepted simile, the one the papers are using. Even the health council has been forced to acknowledge the catchy name 'banana flu' with its more grown up 'Musa Influenza'. There was once a time, not so long ago, when only eggheads knew that bananas are part of the Musa species of fruit but now it's as much part of the everyday world as knowing we walk on two legs.

The disease seems to have been contained mainly to the border villages but it's unlikely this will last as we are still in the very early stages. Restrictions to the water supply have today been announced, the authorities say the disease may have been spread through the filtration network but there is a growing feeling we're not being told the full story.

January 1 Russian band in plane fire drama

By the time Dmitri returned to his seat a small but quiet commotion was taking place. Two of the largest passengers had become wedged in the aisle and neither would back down. The smaller of the two had his right leg shoved through the legs of the other man. Examining this strange sight Dmitri marvelled as to how this human puzzle had become so entangled. There was no air at all between the pairs conjoined limbs and as each of the combatants stared deep into the others eyes, neither body made a move.
The rest of the passengers held their breath as a delicate wisp of a stewardess approached with some butter and a knife, behind her, a pilot with a blowtorch.