Postcards from Kronk - the second collection of daily stories. (2025)

At the disciples of Fad Gadget command all the beards began to melt: by the end of the month they'd be strong enough to mount an attack on Clapton Towers.

For the greater good we follow in the steps of those brave enough to walk into the heart of the sun, each of us aware that minute by minute we are dying. This is what we have learnt, this is the truth we have found, I am no longer afraid of dying but of living and wasting my life.

When will we have fresh fruit? When the tall ships sail in When can we turn on the lights once more? When the tall ships sail in When will this be enough? When the tall ships sail in When will you let me go the dock? When will you let me leave the house? When will we have fresh fruit again? When the tall ships sail in

When Sue got fat he bought her a bigger car: he clearly thinks she's as good as he can get and were she to leave him he'd be alone for ever. This thought enters my mind as Rob goes to set the balls up and I pay for the pints. I watch him find the triangle and roll the cues on the table looking for a couple of straight ones. It's not right to think things like that about your friends. I wish I was nicer.

I was twelve and earning my first wage. I wore my security badge with pride as I scuttled round the edges of the room. In the middle a large table dominated, it was covered with a giant map of the Indian ocean gridded into irregular sections and a host of Asian leaders were taking turns to claim an area. The Taiwanese had left already in protest at their nearest waters being selected before they'd had time to make a choice. The Indonesian emissary kept cheating when no one was looking and the Burmese missed their turn twice due to their elderly representative falling asleep. My job was to carry the warmed cups into which an older girl would pour steaming hot tea. When it came for our break we ran outside and it was then that I asked her what they were doing. " they're claiming the land where he will appear from next, this is high stakes gambling Yip, the big time " And that was the moment my life began.

The listing had 14minutes to go, 276 watching and no bids, the majority taken up by a photograph of a middle aged woman, she was smiling but lopsidedly, so you could see a few big teeth but no others. The wording was simple - Can you Kill her for me ? Time dragged and the watchers increased, over 300 but finally it closed without a bid. Morgan remained undaunted and uploaded the next one, this time the man with a straggly moustache who'd poached his shopping trolley and refused to reimburse his pound. 

With a face pockmarked and fruity he stands blowing smoke from his nose, like a dragon swallowed by  walrus. The powder blue frilly shirt too tight, collars wide enough to fit a pasty on. He signals for attention and draws close to the microphone. Did you hear about the airport in Ireland that closed due to low flying aircraft ? Old men spit brown bits into the pints and clap with clenched fists, staring at us with thinly disguised hatred. Once again the time machine has let us down and it's looking dangerous for me and my beautiful black boyfriend.