June 30 Inquiry after body found at pub

She was young, curvy and oblivious to her own beauty and the only one I could see without tattoos
"Dave's sorting the band out, through there " she said, indicating a door behind her.
" it's OK isn't it?  Everything is OK? '
She shrugged, " think so, very strange night though".
I was disarmed by her calmness, the police had come and gone but nothing was resolved.
" Are you staying for the show?  " she asked.
" what time is it?  "
" it's  ten now, nothing'll happen till gone midnight "
I remembered my cat, he would be waiting still, when had I gone home last?
" If I go out now, can I get back in later?  "
Up close she was even more beautiful, the lop sided nose seemingly placed there to accentuate and balance her otherwise perfection.
" you should be OK I think "
Leaving the club the night air wrapped its arms around me, the sky not yet fully dark.
" I'll come with you if you like "
She'd appeared from nowhere.
" Its OK, I'll be back in an hour ".
We looked at each other for a long time.

June 29 Coroner concern at camera removal

Operation when played with a real body requires no less a precise and rare alignment of events and conditions as those required for a total solar eclipse. Firstly, at least two full days without any management are necessary, the corpse itself must not be needed by the police, family or relatives and finally the right staff team, those with the expertise and absolute trust, should be scheduled on duty at the same time.
Tonight was one of those special nights, the room was silent as Andy sewed closed the last pocket of skin. Krish stepped forwards and drew the first token from the bag, fingers crossed, hoping to heaven he wouldn't get the camera.

June 28 Fundraising pupils smoked drugs

The positives :

We raised £114 for the College's Charity expedition.

Charlie, Bryn and Connor got to travel in an ambulance.

Fiona, Megan and Emma found out they are allergic to anaesthetics.
The class have found over fifteen hundred cracks in the wall that need looking at.

John the technician has decided he would like to travel once more.

Martha has finally been allowed inside a prison (and may see her brother once more).

Luke and Hari have decided they are both ready to enter the world of work.
We have agreed that Spiderman would be unlikely to beat the Hulk in a fair fight.

I understand better the colleges trips and safeguarding procedures.

Jane's pen hovered over the paper: that was the easy bit done, now for the more tricky section.

June 27 Supreme Court system 'flawed'

The prettiest young things always did get the first pick from lifes fruit bowl; by the time the likes of me and you get to the table there's just a suspiciously soft satsuma or an apple with skin like my nan.

Ok
When those with picture cards sit in judgement on those with deuces it always ends this way.

Ok.
This is why we live underground now.

Ok.

(But I know you are building a rocket)
(Yes I am building a rocket and won't they be surprised as we emerge defiant from the bowels of the earth)

June 26 Cooke loses out in sprint finish

We are watching Cooke holding the razor in front of him. he lost and whilst Woz is taking Tina out, holding doors open for her and ordering vodka tonics he is home alone, with a razor and a bottle of Skol.
He'd lost the first event; still found it hard to believe Woz used to be a performance poet but he'd won the second. This was Cookes moment, we watch as he remembers the white pony he'd bought back and the look on Woz's face with his pitiful offering of a flashing roadside lamp.
Score even, Tina had called for a third event, the winner of which would take her arm.
After a week of growing anticipation the three of them had met in the Wimpy opposite the Clocktower.
Woz was there first, his small but wiry beard plaited into two twists, each ending in a tiny silver bell, Cooke came second, the pencil thin spiv style of his moustache accentuated by a silver case of hand rolled cigarillos.
The tension was almost unbearable but finally she made her decision: Tina rang Woz's bell and Cooke conceded
And now we worry as Cooke stands at the mirror, razor in hand, trying to blank out all thoughts of Woz and Tina and what they may be getting up to. He holds the blade under the hot tap.
Whilst this happening, in town Tina is dancing and laughing and Woz is counting his blessings unaware a storm is brewing. Cooke is drawing up plans, moustache very much still attached to his face, he may have lost the race but the season has only just begun.
And there are plenty of other teams.
And he likes the taste of Skol.
And Tina's ends her laughs with a burp.

June 25 Living room crash man sentenced

There's Wimbledon on the telly and you're playing with cat.

The strawberries I bought for the Pimms have gone off but we cut out the good bits and drop them into our wine.

The new lawn is taking well and the salads are getting big and we're pretending we haven't got to go to work in the morning.

We try not to wonder what it's like next door, now it's finally over.

I'll run us a bath and we'll listen to the tennis on the radio.

June 24 Argentine president to run again

Lola Colombo called her children to make sure they were safe. She was sure they'd have heard the rumours and gone home, bought provisions and ammunition if they'd ever listened to their father.
The country had only just got back on it's feet after the last time the President ran off. For the first few weeks of his dissapearence it'd been business as usual, a holiday like feeling but like a class left without a teacher eventually things got out of hand, as if people felt they had been presented with a window to do what they want, to settle scores and sort out injustices.  On his return President Acosta addressed the nation and explained he was sorry and that he'd lost track of the time. That was just before the night of the burning fury, the last time she'd seen Hugo.
The phone went just as Lola about given up for the night.
" Isabel? .."
"It's ok, it's ok, we're safe, we're all safe and we've a plan Mama, a plan that will mean our President nevers leaves us again, don't be scared, we love you and we're coming for you "
Lola knew poured herself a glass of wine, they were little fighters, her children.

June 23 'More' UK troops home this year

Year after year there are more of them, those that fought and fell,  in the crevices of our skin they sink and twist and spiral and fall weaving in and out of our memory, by Spitfires and Meschermitts, forgotten but still fighting, beyond death into all eternity.

What will happen when the ghosts outnumber the living?

June 22 Police to share national database

No one speaks after the interview and Dale wishes, not for the first time, that he'd bought the bar in Spain when he'd had the chance, bad things seemed to happen to good people here. They walk back to the car in silence, his driver holds the door open as they enter the basement, at least he couldn't have heard the interview down there.

"Some one please say something, make this better than it is "
" It wan't as bad as you think Minister " Arnold, his personal secretary tries to reassure him
" Don't give me that Arnold, your lips move and make those sounds but your eyes say something else don't they ? " Attacking those who offer him comfort.
Teri jumps in, " No, he's right, you did make some good points, it's just that some of.." she tails off without finishing the sentence.

" I just told three million listeners they could now register a stolen bicycle with the Police and shop for a replacement at Halfords at the same time didn't I ? "
" yes, you did "
" And was that one of the good points? "

No reply, Dale closes his eyes and listens to the sound of the wheels on the road and the wind rushing by and he's back on the beach, it is hot, time for a siesta.

June 21 Car crush Pc nominated for award

PC Alex Collinson, chronologically twenty nine years old but feeling fourteen sat in the reception of Wilberforce Community College trying to look relaxed. In his hands, an invitation to address the school assembly, to inspire the pupils: embody what they could become. Lost in time he pictured the quiet put upon young boy who'd hid in the toilets during break-time. What had happened to everyone in the intervening years ? Our lives are not planned Alex, they open out before us, they find their own way like drops of rain on a window, you never know if they will turn or come to a stop; his Uncle rarely spoke but when he did you listened.

" This way Mr Collinson Sir " a young girl, low slung tie and mouth full of gum appeared through the door. She spoke better than she dressed and even half curtsied as she held the door for him. Her name is Molly McMahon she told hin as they walked to the hall.

" Wait here please Sir"

Outside the sound of kids messing about, avoiding teachers, making their stands.

A minute later the door opened and Molly reappeared, behind her the smell of cheap deodorant losing a battle with teenage body odour,  " This way Sir, up to the front Sir "

Alex Collinson followed her past the pupils and staff, to the stage. Eight hundred faces looked towards him, waiting to be impressed, he swallowed, they would be.

" I am not here to talk to you about my award, I am here to lay a ghost "

June 20 Mystery airline order for Belfast

Waiting for the CEO to arrive Daniel questions once more the sense of going ahead with building fourteen nuclear jump jets after receiving an order written in pencil crayon and signed 'you know who'.

Oh Don't fail me now lucky tie....

June 19 Jones relishing Glam loan spell

" Goodbye love, see you in a week "

Jeffrey Jones watched his wife lollop off to the bus stop, her one remaining dreadlock pointing to the sky, the bottom of her bags dragging on the pavement, she turned and waved, he waved back and closed the door.

Julia would be there at 3 and although they'd spent most of the night preparing there was still the bedroom and bathroom to clean. He'd felt guilty for lying to Dot, making out the week was going to be a real challenge and promising never to play poker with Daniel again but now wasn't the time for absolute honesty.

Splashing on the Paco Rabanne and scrubbing the toilet bowl, Jeffrey caught sight of himself in the mirror grinning, yes, he had to admit, he was going to enjoy this week.

June 18 Military research lab is to close

we'll watch the flames grow higher, but if you get too burnt, you can't come back home.

Stano photographed the message, written in blood on the side of the holiday cabin and sent it to Ruk. He'd dropped Angelo and Daisy off at the supermarket on the village to get the weeks provisions. Theo, their son ran down to the lake as soon as they'd arrived, he'd be making a fishing rod by now.
Five minutes passed before Ruk called him back.
" Ok, I've called the owners, they are moving you into cabin 7, that's two along on the right, tell Angela, it's a upgrade, a present for her birthday " Stano knew better than to interrupt.
" The words refer to the military research lab two miles south of there, a few too many accidents have been happening recently and they are about to shut, apparently one of their scientists went AWOL, Burnt Face Barry, He's just been picked up in Conwy so that's the end of that"
" And the words are from Funeral Pyre by the Jam ? " Stano tried not to sound like a son impressing his dad.
" Obviously," Ruk replied, " the Mod band "
And with that he hung up, one step ahead always.

June 17 Jet crash bodies arrive in France

'The retirement of Concorde has been undervalued, here in this one perfect example is the acknowledgement that we need to slow down not speed up, getting there is what we are all doing, not being there, the rush towards technological advancement is stripping us of our humanity. If you feel like this come and join us, bring a single bag and no electronic devices.'

The leaflet had seemed the answer to his problem, at the bottom an address he’d had to google, a tiny plot of land 40 km north of Rennes.

With nothing to lose and a mardy boss to leave in the lurch a plan hatched and over the next seven weeks he dismantled his life, closing connections and laying traps for those that he believed deserved it, in the new world he would be a good person, but for now, there were scores to settle.

Finally in France after collecting his bedding from Jean and reading 'Follow the community on twitter and facebook for regular updates' on the back of the leaflet for the first time he stared down at the pile of plastic and wires that was once his blackberry and wondered how he was going to get back to civilisation.

June 16 Drone Zone will be made permanent

Train guards and the ones that sell sandwiches have reacted nervously to the news that, following a series of unsuccessful trials in East Anglia, Hampstead and Manchester the minister for public platitudes has confirmed anyone with an electronic device or annoying tone of voice will be required to be seated in a specific carriage from Monday 20th June. Based on the sink class principal of failing schools this new ideology of our erratic leadership shows no sign of slowing down with government officials already touting separate staircases for people who broadcast how early they got up in the morning and compulsory river dips for men who attempt to grow a beard without the necessary testosterone to pull it off.

You voted for them and it’s your fault.

June 15 New bid to move zoo leopard fails

My marriage was shaky even before I stole the leopard and now I live on a barge.

This is the opening line of my autobiography, I whisper the words into my pillow as I drift off for an afternoon snooze. Once the royalties start rolling in I will rescue her once more, this time legally, I'll make a start on the second line when I wake up.

June 14 Arson hits Blackpool Illuminations

"How long has he been gone?"
"An hour."
She raises her eyes.
"Some hours are longer than others."
The flat is pristine, sterilised even, like the ones in science fiction films from the seventies but we are not astronauts we are aesthetic terrorists and we are waiting  for John to return from his first cleaning job.

Days later a single man is found asleep in a little chef in Fleetwood, 7 miles south of Blackpool, his clothes stink of petrol and he has a recent tattoo showing a mermaid riding a Spacehooper on his neck. The mermaid looks suitably embarrassed.

June 13 Quake tremors rattle Christchurch

Polly puts a record on and slinks onto the balcony. Sipping her drink she wonders what time it is and then wonders if it matters, she watches the flow of people as they go past at the end of the road, those without jobs or school to go to, these aren't my people she thinks, this is just a holiday. This isn't even a balcony, just the top of the bay below.

The newspaper reports tremors are once more shaking the buildings in New Zealand, but that they are made of stern stuff and will rebuild the interviewees state. Back at home, 11, 717 miles away the sun is beginning to sink between the gaps in the shops, it'll be too cold to sit out for much longer. What do you do when a town is dying and no one notices ?

June 12 Plea over Troubles victims

There is panic in the air, many of us have decided to be with our families, those we love. I'm at the train station, it's early evening but still humid. The 5.15 to Rochdale begins to leave, final goodbyes are taking place. I see the bag drop from her hand as the train leaves, as it drops and all kinds of  unction, potion, snake oil and balm begin to fall free. The child in front notices and makes to run to catch them before they crash to the ground, the departing mother moves the muscles around her mouth to issue a warning. The bag is still there, time is slowing, the troubles are starting.
Young men in Belgium without gravity, tied by their ankles to the ground, a town in Australia where everyone suddenly started speaking backwards, (although obviously it took a while for that news to escape). These are the troubles of our time, without reason or cause.
This town is being paused, if I don't move quickly enough I wil

June 11 Spain arrests Anonymous suspects

Twenty seven anonymous men arrested for causing damage to areas of lawns in suburban areas of Madrid: the message ran across the TV screen whilst Gael tried to watch the football. His grandmother snorted, started to say something but began to cough and forgot what she doing.

Fourteen women arrested for causing slow punctures to bicycles in Palermo centre.

Pepe and Miriam burst through the door in a ball of arms and teeth, fighting for the remote: the football was in the air, heading towards Manu, their top striker, he was head and shoulders above the defender before Bruce Willis suddenly took his place, disappearing into a lift. Pepe had been quicker than his kid sister. As the lift doors closed the good news continued to slide by.

Thirty two people have been arrested for making holes in clothing and hiding keys.

Chelo, his mother sat forwards and patted the dogs head, " Ah, they are making Spain a safer place, see, Gael, see Pepe, Miriam, Mother, do you see? Things will get better now, you mark my words "

Four hundred people arrested for vandalism and making public transport unhygienic.

Gael kept quiet, he knows no one was arrested really, not actual skin and bones, just phantoms, but he keeps quiet, for the good of society.

June 10 Ipswich capture Cardiff's Chopra

I saw the boy running with his cheeks all puffed up, at once comical and heroic, his tiny body struggling to harness all the energy it held. Running to catch up with the adults and that, rather than the head of the captured Chopra is my lasting memory of that night, youth running to grow up too quickly.

June 9 Architect's 'sophisticated shed'

There were four of us and we were invincible in our youth.
We went throught the yellow trees, following a line we'd drawn on an ordanance survey map. And then we saw it, in a clearing, all clean lines and glass panels, scandinavian details in the nooks, our treasure.
We opened the door
Then we climbed the steps
Then we avoided the room that Simon Le Bon and and Nick Rhodes were skulking in.

(Bring me the hammer, bring me the hammer)
Then we did stuff, lots of stuff, noises were heard for miles, the sound of us doing things, noisy things.
Then we climbed back up the steps
Then we opened the door again, this time the other way, to the outside
and then we got into the car and went back to town.

Fourteen months later Duran Duran wrote Wild Boys and I was on my way to Hull, our paths would never cross again.

June 8 Ten farm workers 'escape tornado'

One dental hygienist avoids an unwelcome approach by a rival dental hygenist angry that they have been given the better gown.
Two student teachers hide from bullies, colleagues or pupils, who knows?
Three coconut shy manufacturers narrowly miss being hit on their heads as they gather coconuts.
Four assassins pass by without noticing each other (phew).
Five shot-putters put off being shot by
Six angry lawnsmen who are looking for moles.
Seven newspaper clairvoyants knew when to hide from
Eight let down speed daters still searching for love.
Nine pork chops dream of being lamb.
and Ten farm workers escape tornado.

I watch all this happening and draw it on little pieces of paper which I give to folk as I cycle through the town.
They all thank me and then, after seeing the pictures some of them shake their fists.

June 7 Rioter apologises to policewoman

Where are you going Noggin?
I need to make my peace with the angry builder.
Then I intend to give the taxi driver his wig back.
After that I will visit the shop keeper and make good the damage to his refrigerator.
Finally I will say sorry to the policewoman.
When will you do that Noggin?
Maybe next week, today I am cooking hair wrapped chicken in a bucket.

June 6 Zimbabwe 'phantom voters' exposed

The first phantom voters were seen in Masvingo, a small city in Zimbabwe, the invisible work force that keeps the world turning and were never meant for our eyes.
Our scepticism had killed off all we couldn't see or measure and finding ourselves abandoned, the most influential and powerful men of Earth created an army of silent watchers to watch,measure, record and vote; to take care of business. The phantoms, hidden until today.
This then, is the Black age, where once we had gods and nature we now have democracy but knowledge is indeed power and Africa is purring once more, calling to its children.

June 5 Small tremor hits Stoke-on-Trent

I am watching myself, almost eleven, its teatime and Frank Bough is on television discussing the prophesies of Nostradamus.

Running upstairs, I appear to be alone in the house but that’s memory fitting events to emotions. I see my reflection in the small mirror above my dressing table, the tears forcing their way out. Am I attempting to hold them back ? like I did whenever Seasons in the Sun came on the car radio; not wanting my parents or God forbid, my sister to see me so weak. Or am I forcing them out, eager to feel everything and anything, hampered as I am by a remarkably content uneventful life.

Frank has just told me I will die before I've even kissed a girl. The end of the world is due before I am sixteen and I know I won't be ready.

June 4 Reversing car in freak accident

If a photo was taken from above overlooking the city zoo tiger enclosure, the dividing wall between the car park and the said enclosure may not have been visible to the naked eye as it was very very thin.
The new one currently being built will be much much thicker.

June 3 Australia to deport lone children

The forgotten look, the parents absent, without their knowledge this time and then it was decisions were made and longer regretted. That without those to look after or with or for were set sail, are set adrift, set free abandoned. No time to look back, to change, to send for help, for their parents.

June 2 Murder resort's gate 'not locked'

"Frankly even if the door was unlocked I don't know why in the name of Pepper Joe you'd take your brother in there, what in toots did you think would happen ? "

This wasn't the first time Dad had been disappointed in me but it was the first he'd spoke of Pepper Joe since the accident.

June 1 'New leads' over woods body find

Ruk the disco detective, recently recalled from tropical Malibu hated the late english nights, especially those when he was investigating dead people.

" Batteries ! " the torch had gone again, Stano, his partner swapped torches silently, reassuringly.

Sweeping side to side from where the body lay they'd failed to find any clues so far, hopefully the other teams had had more luck, the air, silent and oppressive felt like it was attempting to strangle them.

Moving aside a broken ash tree branch Stano spotted something glinting in the torchlight, an Ipod. Inching closer, careful not to miss anything else in their eagerness they creeped. Ruk picked it up and pressed play : a dirge poured out the tiny speakers that hung from his hand, he closed his eyes to listen.

" Norwegian Black Metal, " turning his head slightly to one side, " Fimbulwinter, good, we have a start ".

And with that the ipod was pocketed and the two detectives walked back to the centre.

" They'd best be running now " Ruk said smiling and Stano smiled too.