September 30 Farmers 'lose out' under scheme

After the appeal courts upheld the freisans claim Ba Rowbottom had to throw every penny she had into making the necessary adaptions yet still it wasn't enough. This wouldn't have happened if the townies hadn't have won the election. Anyone with experience of guerilla warfare or civil disobeience, please leave your email adress with Barry.
Thank you, that's it for now, meeting closed, lets have a cloudy ale.

September 29 'Grave' health board cash warning

Somewhere near your house, the last of tonights bodies are being put back in the ground. That's why you can sleep; been four months since the world ended, you've got by without too much upheaval, one of lifes survivors. Tomorrow, when you hear the money to keep the dead buried has run out I wonder what you'll decide to do. Doubt I'll see you again but if our paths do cross I hope it'll be as friends.

September 28 Part of Moderator's ring returned

Blood and bone everywhere, a mighty battle carved into the fabric of her house, you could stand in the garden and see the road at the front. Hellog has never seen anything like it and he'd lived in Scandinavia for most of his life. The floor full of strewn papers, examination scripts for A level citizenship, he stoops to pick up a bloody finger, half a golden ring gouged into its side, flush with the bruised skin.

There will have to be a remark for sure.

September 27 Japan receives first Dreamliner

I remember it was meant to herald the dawn of a new era, a computer system that could map our dreams so vividly visitors would be able to travel through them; the structures and people generated in real time. A whole new frontier but one as old as mankind, the television boffins couldn't get enough of it.
To great ceremony, the first dreamliner went online at 8.00 am JST on the 27th September, three men in white suits waved to the camera before disappearing into a sleek gun metal blue cylinder. The watching world held it's breath whilst three long hours ticked by.  And then, the door opened and out they came, waving still, smiling and giving thumbs up signals to the assembled media. But, if you pause these images and zoom in on Hamaguchi Soshu's face ( as I have) you can see it in his eyes, a pebble that appeared so shiny in the sea yet taken out of the water, a dull lifeless blank. Apparently, so the data revealed, experiencing other peoples dreams is every bit as tiresome as listening to them being retold.
I guess there is a limit to how much humans should share, take note Zuckerberg.

September 26 Stewart quizzed on pixie comments

I looked like Daffy Duck when I came back from the barbers, that hadn't been the plan I was sure but life seemed twisted out of shape at the time so even this I doubted. George called and asked me to pick up some cards for the night; the boys nights in thing seemed something we should've grown out of by now but as women clearly found us unsuitable to their needs we continued.
I made some pasta and ate it watching the telly, on it, a plump woman showed rich people how to buy big houses, I turned it off and went to the toilet.
Whilst sat there I heard my neighbour next door quizzing her boyfriend, it's a partition wall, we live in a very poor part of town.
" You said I looked like a Pixie, what did you mean by that? "
" I didn't, I said you looked foxy "
" No you didn't, pixie you said, like one of those pixies on toadstools or something, why do you say hateful things like that to me ? "
I missed the next part of the conversation due to a loud splash and instinctively I pulled the chain so by the time that died down I only caught the end of the discussion.
" No, I think you're the one with a rotten heart "
And then laughter, hers first and then his, big booming laughter that filled the air. All the tension evaporated, and the laughter seeped through the wall and made its way inside me and planted a seed. Ok, I thought, we're going out tonight boys, it's time we had some fun.
They moved out shortly afterwards, I pretend to myself they were sent from heaven, to show me the way.
I'm a better person now.

September 25 Korean bank head in death plunge

The man in the television scares me, late at night it began to turn itself on and when I woke to hear the now familiar hum and went downstairs he was there, on the screen.

I always see his eyes first as I enter the front room, doesn't matter how long I wait and put it off, always his eyes filling the screen. I know he's Korean. Just know it somehow, subconsciously, I'm no Asian scholar and until this began I'd have been hard pressed to tell the difference between a Chinese or Japanese face, but I know he's Korean.

We sit there in the darkness, he and I. It can last minutes or hours, he holding my gaze for as I long as I hold his. That first time lasted a minute or two, I thought him a character on a TV show but as I pressed the power button the camera pulled back, revealing his lack of a body, his mouth wide, screaming, eyes closed as he turned and disappeared into the darkness.

And it always ends that way, his head screaming into the abyss and if I turn the TV back on he's not there. If I sit and watch he waits with me, only if I go to turn him off does it happen.

It's been twelve days now, I can hear him in there, last night I'm sure he started speaking.

September 24 Mexico drops internet terror case

You gets the mouse like and it's boom, a touchpaper, a wick to the ticking bomb of the internet. The wickedness of all the world curated and stated bold as brass. There are times for us to be strong and this is one of those. I, your president today give you my promise, my faith, my honesty that we will manage this matter, I have personally taken hold of the terror at the heart of the internet, I have smelt its rotting heart and felt it's lust and aggression send it's messages to every cell in my body. But, I, like our great country, am strong. Like tigers I can eat poisoned meat and still rip down trees. We drop this down like a righteous anvil.

And this is why the Mexican Government is monitoring all internet activity of it's people now ?

The terror continues and builds, if we do not siphon it's power we will become a flabby decadent society without morals.

And these steps will halt this 

A blueprint for the world, knowledge is no longer power, knowledge is crippling, in time you will come to understand this.

After that last sentence he logged out, I'm still not sure if he was telling the truth.

September 23 African 'land rush' warning

The last of the sunlight mixes with the first of the street lamps
and I walk into another world
the colour of a petrol heat haze
Wish I could walk this way forever

Long ago I forgot if I was chasing or being chased, now it doesn't matter
When I grow weary, I want to lie in this place, this street, forever

September 22 Parties 'cagey' on using powers

There's a feeling of deja-vu I get every time slide past the laboratory. Look who's back, back once again with the renegade masters. Shouldn't be here I think, from another place, the marks on my arms and wrists suggest I've been bound or confined recently. There's crust on my lips and I can't seem to shift the smell of sulphur.
Every time we conduct this experiment it's the same, the cabinet, the controlled explosion, the faster than light sub atomic particles, back once again from where I've always been.
Throwing the switch back once again, there's a sense this has already happend recently, I see her face through the window before the white light and then we're back at the beginning once more, the days seems blurred at the edges now. They decided not to continue with the tests, I hear them saying this as I shift past them on the other side, the power is too unstable, they can't risk anymore men.
So I'm here again, in a loop, my life eternal, I understand it all so briefly before I'm snuffed out. Just like before.

September 21 Athlete 'fled because of failure'

Beautiful Jane, her caravan shiny as robot spit enjoyed her first cigarette of the day. She stood in the door way breathing in the morning air, her skin prickled against the cold.
" What ya got there ? "
Cousin Lex was stuffing something in the boot of his Vectra, struggling to get it to close.
" my worldly goods J " he squinted up to her and smiled, " you can come with me if you like "
She smiled back, " Shame Lex, I got to smoke this cigarette then have a lie down, otherwise..."
" We got to get going now, you know that dontcha ?"
" Can't worry about Christmas when I'm still fretting over breakfast Lex, things'll come good "
He shook his head and gave the boot one last slam, this time it caught, .
" I'm away "The camp looked too open now people were starting to leave, each family knocking a hole in the side of their giant sandcastle, the water was set to burst in and flood them all.
She threw the Marlboro on the ground and went back inside.
" See the mess I've made Jane ?" Tonto had been listening.
" Shhh, you're meant to be hiding, least ways until everyone else has gone "
" I'm sorry Jane, I really am "
Outside the camp was quiet, you could hear the traffic from the main road now, soon they'd be alone, Jane didn't know what would happen then.
" I know Tonto, I know".

September 20 Murdered woman 'alert and active'

Herman hated visiting his Gran, even before she'd died. She'd look at him through misty glasses and poke him in  the ribs, remarking on how skinny he was. Granny Tuppence lived in Hull with his Uncle Ron, a crooked, beaked man with a moustache that bent his whole body over. He was once a big noise in local politics and called in favours with the Rotary Club and the local Mason Lodge to gain permission for a home burial. The service was short but moving, everything seemed in order, ashes to ashes and all that. The following week, however, when Uncle Ron premiered his 'Ultimate Ventriloquist Show' Herman felt his soul curdle.
Those matinee performances spoiled his weekends for the whole summer.

Septmber 19 Cyprus begins controversial drill

As the fundamentalists regained power in Cyprus the world held it's breath as operation Dante began.
In four days, it was claimed, the Underworld would be revealed. Members of the United Nations tutted and threatened to send in advisors, ambassadors and monitoring teams but he's not worried. Pygmy Goza, the new Cypriot President, alone on a hill, chuckling to himself, throwing meat scraps into the air for his his Hawk, if only they knew...

September 18 Collision blocks city bus station

" Reckon it wouldnt be long before you showed up "
Albert greets me with a plastic cup of liquified coco beans and indicates to follow him. My watch shows it's not nine yet, if I'm lucky I'll still get to Dads for supper.
" how many you think we have ? "
It's hard to answer, there's blood everywhere and a couple of hands, both slightly chinese looking, the rest of the stuff is too small to identify, clods of bone and gristle.
" Well must be a at least three, Id say  "
I indicate the three large areas of flesh and blood, each up to ten feet apart.
" Idiot, "  the cups knocked from my hand and I get a slap round the face for emphasis.
" These goddamn blocks, sent her hurtling from one to another, like a pinball, she got slammed into nothing. Just the one, pretty girl I bet, but she's gone now, mushed. "
I nod, know better than to question.
" Seems like no one saw it again."
The collision blocks were designed to to save lives, to provide buffers in areas of high human / vehicle combinations yet they'd claimed fourteen lives in the past six months, all obviously unreported.
" You do your thing now, decide what happened here, write the story " he holds my gaze until I look down.
I turn my back, Dad will still be up if I rush, the girl could wait till tommorow. I wonder if she has anyone waiting for her, is her father warming soup right now ?
" Ok, Albert, see you next time old man ",

September 17 Dark matter theory 'may be wrong'

The wind most knocked him sideways, twelve hours since the sun had gone out. Harry checked his watch, he was already late and thinking about how to sneak in without being seen. The world that had been handed from the religious to the scientists had now been left abandoned, nothing made sense anymore, all the prophesies had amounted to nought. In the lift, Harry gets the feeling deep in his gut, the world may be dying but he's still going to get it in the neck.

September 16 Wrexham bid 'agreed in principle'

Like pulling a zip together, bringing the beginning and ending of my life together as it should have been.
You've aged, the lines run deep reminding me of the times you've had without me.
Those you've held, the tears you've shed, the laughing that couldn't stop, a lifetime in those lines.
But as we sip tea and I pretend this is a one off I'm packing my bags and closing the few doors that hadn't been slammed shut in my face.
This is my town now, Wrexham, you said we could meet up, the once and here we are.
You've stopped drinking sugar and you've stop dying your hair, you're more confident and as beautiful as I can remember.
We part and I walk away, my story saved for another day.

September 15 Cameroonian athletes go missing

We gathered in Stephs room to watch the Olympics, her small black and white telly with the broken volume you needed scissors to change.

The Cameroonians went off fast, and kept on fast, lapping the other runners who'd long since ceased to be competitors. Lia noticed it first, the difference in their stride, then came the booms, like concorde, the cameras struggled to keep everyone in shot until suddenly the Cameroonians ran themselves into a blur that became a hole and then nothing.

It was hard to make out exactly what happened but I remember vividly the other athletes stopping and looking lost, momentarily unsure of what had occurred. Then they knew, some sank to their knees other stood stone still. A scrawny French guy started crying, he's the one I can see still, there in his vest wiping the tears away and crossing himself.

The telly went off after that.

September 14 'Business as usual' says Rangers

Since the privatisation of the United Kingdom the number of agencies franchised by the police force has grown at an alarming rate. In rural wales, where the local officers were often slow and drove creaky cars a new breed of horseback deputies has begun to appear. The most recent renegade law protectors arrived dressed as Lone Rangers. Roy, the only one to have appeared on youtube to date, sought to reassure the public by stating he and his gang were 'on the good side, god's side' and that it would be 'business as usual' distancing himself from the rumours of lynchmobs and the panic buying of beans.
Meanwhile in Cornwall a group dressed in black and white striped tops with baseball bats have already claimed Tintagel as their Castle.
It'll get worse before it gets better Mr Potato.

September 13 Kabul attacks continue into night

Manizha struggled with belts, hers too tight, his too quick to come. The fire fights outside protected her son from knowing what war and loss can do to people in love. The helplessness that bound them together, closer to one another with each punch, each drop of blood. One night it will be too much, one night it will all end, but for now Manizha sleeps with one eye open and holds her husband as he cries.

September 12 Bad spelling opens security hole

There are some sights life prepares you for and then there's what crawled out of my monitor when I misspelt my email username.

September 11 Fire breaks out at funeral home

Astonished passerbys stood by as members of Take That torched a funeral home late last night. According to reports the little one that used to have long hair was heard to be chanting something about Haitian curses and never being too careful, as the flames filled the night sky the foursome drank from paper bags and made silhouettes before running offf as the sirens grew closer. This morning journalists lazily interviewed a group of itinerants with issues who were only too happy to throw more mud towards the pop stars; claiming Donut, before starting the blaze, was apparently in a heated argument with someone from Big Brother whom he believed had defecated into a frisbee and thrown it at him.
These and other revelations can be read on Boyzones comeback blog, Still Alive.

September 10 Moon twins to make gravity maps

It was supposed to be secret. The times and places where gravity fluctuates, the fluctuations that cause ripples which lead to subtle changes of mood. It had remianed secret for over thousands of years, since before mankind. Unfortunately the great bug headed moon twins cared little for our customs and as they waited in a side room at US customs having aririved without a valid passport or ESTA Visa they leaked the details on twitter for a laugh. They come over here, eating our food, not taking our jobs but destroying our understanding of the physical world...

September 9 Gang 'watched millionaire's home'

alright, you coming out tonight
yeah
see you later
k

Danny's there by the time we arrive, he's gutting  a swan, his latest obsession, bought himself proper knives from town specially for it.

peb
danny
mike
seen the tele ? it's a samsung 100 Hertz Plasma 56 inch
I'm going to get one of those
in your dreams
sshh, get down

We've the place to ourselves, Mikes swaps the big binoculars for the telescope whilst I light the disposable barbeque.

Going match tomorow?
nah
going alices party?
nah, whos going ?
dunno
I might go then, but I'll tell mum and dad I'm staying at yours right?
k, but what if they call ?
They won't, I'll text them, say your mums being mardy and sent us to bed early and I cant talk
ok

The meats not cooked, we all try a bit but spit it back into the fire. This time next year and Danny will be at University, I take the small binoculars and stand.

whats he doing now
cant see
shes been out back getting something
its a snack
cheese
cheese
cheese

Mike goes off into the woods for a bit and Danny and I make words from the car numberplates we see in his drive.

Cold now
do you like alice
nah
im off its cold
yeah

The summer evenings seems to last forever, I envy Danny for being older than me and I envy Mike for looking like his brother. I wished I looked like my father. I'm out of here soon as I can, we won't keep in touch, I know that. Mum used to have lots of friends over the years but they're gone now, it's what happens when you grow up..

I'm getting a car like that when I'm old, with blue lights underneath
so am I
See ya

Mike texts me as I reach the door, he thinks the swan was a duck.

September 8 No flashing lights for rescuers

Sunlight strobes through the trees as we make our way through the forest. Good english trees, oaks and beeches, strong and ever present. I used to count the trees each time we made this journey, never got the same figure twice, didn't matter, trees are planted and fall all the time.
The cold air forcing salty tears as I stare out into the distance, wishing to be going anywhere else. Wishing seems to bring me no luck these days.
Mum's in the passenger seat, talking to my dad, I tune out their voices. It'll be another hour till we get to Leo's and then I'll be placed in the snooker room they've built in the attic, I've brought a book, never been invited to play and my grandparents would offer if they wished me to. Wonder how long it'll be this time. The air cools as the sun sets. Dad's turned the radio on.
I would give everything I own, give up my life, my heart, my own.

September 7 Primate civil partnership warning

Father Mullikan is refusing to climb down from the spire although he's stopped throwing lead tiles at the villagers until I return. He has heard that a 'Primate' has been warning about gay marriages and I have been asked to provide proof that this 'Primate' is not a ' jumped up catholic  Orangutan '. I'm not keen on Father Mullikan nor the rest of the village so I'm booking a ticket to the Isle of Arran.

September 6 Men in court over 'Lennon bombs'

Michael Blake surveys the pantomime playing out before him and lets out a big, throaty laugh.
All those years of training, the sacrifices made along the way, the years of drudgery it had drudged into once the shine had gone. He'd felt a fraud for at least the last year, sitting in judgement on people, respected, well paid, moral whilst inside just bored out of his head. Just for the money, that was what took him from his bed in the morning before returning him later. Just for the money.

But today, these men and their weird science, man, he felt alive and vital once more, assured of his place in the big chair. The jury were now dressed in white, a grand piano had appeared in the centre of the court, squashing the stenographer. The barrister to his left now clothed in a military jacket, the buttons polished and the epellettes swaying.

" One more ", the short one shouted as he aimed a handful of powder at a duty sergeant who'd thought he'd seen it all ( he hadn't). Michael feels everything fitting together, he laughs and laughs at the circus unfolding.

" Case dismissed " he calls

September 5 Police 'ready for terror powers'

They line up like schoolboys, the banter and bravado growing quieter with each shuffled step forward. These are our saviours I am told. They look like they'd rather be anywhere else right now.

As criminality spread into mainstream society the call to supercharge the police gathered momentum. You can't beat cancer by frog spit, the deputy prime minister memorably said, times change and we must use every weapon we have, to safeguard our future.

That was six months ago. Back then we doctored a select few, volunteers, the cream. Their response was rapid and violent. Those dosed up grew stronger and more fearsome. The temporary and localised rigor mortis, an unforeseen side affect gave rise to the phrase ' terrorface ' to describe our new guardians. Now, as I look down the line and draw up the next vial into the syringe, now its the norm and by the end of the year we are told every police officer will have been dosed. The next recruit enters silently. I wonder what will happen if they decide we were wrong ?

September 4 Saline nurse 'made a scapegoat'

I wake to the sound of gunfire, I'm in an underground tube train, three figures are running past me, guns strafing left and right, the female casts a liquid hand into the air and then there are two of them, the guards turn their attention towards the doppelganger and off they disappear down a dark tunnel. I wave my hands in the air and then sit back down and fall asleep.
I wake to the sound of gunfire and duck as all kinds of fleshy parts stream over us all, I'm pushing a trolley which I immediately let go, I can see I'm illuminated by head torches then it's too late.
I wake to the sound of gunfire and immediately drop the crate I'm carrying. I can't see anyone yet apart from the scientists who run past me, I count them all, the visitors can't be very good shots. An explosion knocks me sideways where I land on a pig faced dog, he squeals and runs off into a cloud of dust.
Their words appear in the sky, there must three of them, one is called DokTor BadaSS, another goes under the moniker Saline Nurse, the third I guess doesn't plan to hang about, he's called A. The talk is drivel, I look away and decide to make a run for the lift. The floor starts shaking and I feel a hot finger on my chest, glancing down I see a red dot, too late...
I wake to the sound of gunfire and dive to my left, words appear overhead but they are drivel, I walk into the gunfire and hope I don't wake up.
I wake and watch a fat blue guy in a helmet walk into some fire, it's funny, todays a good day.

September 3 Storm stalls off Louisiana coast

The clouds had been gathering for days but I had other things on my mind.

"You gotta see this place, come on "

I jumped, so eager to show her my discovery.

" You dumbo " Alice laughed at my stumbling and waited until the bus came to a halt. The Hotel needed no introduction but I found myself throwing my arm to the sky as if I were unveiling it for the first time.

" When did this open ? " She asked, but I could see her smile. She got it, she understood why I was excited.

" Not sure," I grinned, " do you want to go in Mrs Ramone ? " I'd read that Paul McCartney used the name Ramone when he booked into hotels to keep his identify secret and it had turned into a private joke between the two of us.We linked arms and walked up to the entrance.

The building I'd got so excited about looked like a miniature bavarian castle, from the road you could see groups of robed monks walking and tilling the land, picking fruit and fixing old fashioned tools. It seemed alien, as if someone had looked at Louisiana, took a cigarette and burnt a hole in it, revelaing another place underneath. I scanned the edges for scorch marks.

" And you're sure they have rooms available? "

" Well I don't know dummy, that's why we're here ".

I'd been with Alice for three months almost, a long time in those days, we'd met through my cousin, hitched down to Baton Rouge a couple of weeks before but this would be the first time we'd stayed in a Hotel. Alice squeezed my hand as we entered the foyer and asked  for a room, the man behind the desk was almost as young as we were with soft features and a smudged little mouth that looked like it'd been drawn on with a kohl pencil.

" Will you be requiring a double bed or two singles "

I concentrated on stopping myself blushing and asked for a double, adding we'd prefer one on a higher floor if possible.

" The highest you've got " smiled Alice.

Our man smiled and we filled in the registration details and then he handed over a key.

" the highest we've got ".

The room was on the fifteenth flooor and overlooked a small orchard and behind that we could see the Gulf of  Mexico. We sat and watched the monks as they took their evening air drinking a bottle of wine Alice had brought with her. I drew the curtain a little after ten and we went to bed.

We stayed for ten days in the end, watching the monks and drinking wine. The last couple of days were spent discussing our plans, what we'd do next, I spoke of buying a car and one day visiting Europe, Alice spoke of walking in the orchard and never leaving the Hotel. We talked about it for a few days and then spent our last night together watching the storm bloom and then blow itself out, way over in the distance. The air cleared as the sky brightened. She wore a light blue dress that day, I can see her sat there at the window, looking out to sea, smiling and saying that everything would be just fine now.

September 2 'Illegal workers' at restaurant

I was a fool for ever trusting a man in a shiny suit with matching socks, I wish I'd stayed well away.

I certainly wish I'd been out fishing when God came around and gave out curiosity. 

That way I wouldn't be here, making such a discovery.

I didn't know I would find you when I shoveled the dirt away, it would have been better if the spade had cut you in two like a root. Where are the rest of you hiding?

This is where you hide when people come in is it? like potatoes ? 

This is no magic restaurant, the meals aren't made by pixies. It's you lot isn't it?

I bet he isn't buying me a dolphin right now.

This has been the worst day ever.

I overhear this rant as I begin to tuck into my asparagus soup, whoever the woman is talking to doesn't reply. It crosses my mind that she may be practicing lines for a play. But if not, I hope they sort out their problems as this is the best asparagus soup I've ever tasted.

September 1 New terror rehousing law revealed

George wished the radio was louder, only two nights since his terror had arrived, the last on the road to be installed and he already hiding and sleeping downstairs. From above the cries continued, he heard them everytime Clarrie Grundy paused for breath. She and Eddie were discussing their troubled sons, George registered briefly that the cries in the background added a degree of pathos before remembering what was causing them.
After a week he'll feel better, that was what the television said. Just has to hold his nerve, stiff upper lip and all that. As the morning light starts to creep through the blinds the cries subside. George turns the radio off and climbs into his makeshift bed, five more nights to go.