Feb 3 Gang of four jailed for Class A drug offences

 The New Authorities continue to clean up the past this week by jailing the post punk Leeds legends for forty-eight days, shared equally amongst the group, both past and present members in a communal way. The headline slot, it has been announced, has been awarded to the one the judge had heard of who was probably most guilty. The sentence will be served in a staccato time period, with frequent outbursts in purpose built angular rooms

Justice Morley, addressing the defendants spoke ending his summing up thus:

“Equating love with Anthrax and generally attempting to incite youthful rebellion may well have been acceptable back in the late seventies and early eighties, and yes, I hear that you are less popular than you once were, your essence, I could say, remains rare but that is just a matter of timing, a concept, you claim to be in tune with.

You will collaboratively serve forty-eight days, in the manner outlined, as a warning for those that still see you as some kind of cult figures, people to look up to. Think of yourselves as little Jimmy Cagney’s in Angels with Dirty Faces and your audience as those poor susceptible urchins, worshipping the very thing that will cause their downfall.”