February 14 Unsafe £1 tower block 'going in right direction'

 “I reckon it’ll sort itself out, most likely”, said someone from the window of a medium sized hybrid car to a local reporter looking to make a name for herself.

In the background, as officially declared unfit for human habitation, the Malcom McDowell Building can be seen being transported on a series of enormous caterpillar like low bed trucks, that have taken 2 parliaments to manufacture. It is headed to the West Coast where it will become a curio of sorts, and home for dangerous animals, ones that we fear, don’t want to go extinct, but ultimately disposable if the concrete degrades further. A deal that was agreed for the sum of £1 between a shifty minister and a man who never forgot watching people shake soil from a growing escape tunnel down their trouser leg.

Chances are it’ll come apart before it gets to where it’s going, but at least we’re only a quid down.