Postcards from Kronk - the second collection of daily stories. (2025)

Dear Horrible Grandma,  We are very sorry but we are going to have reschedule taking you to go ape this weekend. I know you'll be disappointed, but after speaking to my financial advisor it seems for the best.  We have however, booked in for a once in a lifetime diving with sharks experience for September, which if I recall correctly was something you always wanted to do.  Before you can't do anything. Love you lots Bettie

Slowly my past is disappearing, each person I meet steals something away. Soon I will only exist in the present unable or unwilling to connect with real people. I will watch more and more television and buy cheap shampoo, thin and chemical smelling. A trophy won't keep me warm at night.

The best myths teach us valuable lessons in life, and although many are ancient their truths are timeless.   Take the story of Mr Poseidon who lived at 42 Acacia Avenue and oversaw the sea, and most water-based dangers such as droughts and floods even storms at a push . In the back garden he handle d horses and recorded   earthquakes . Most of his  time however was spent sat at a large mahogany desk in a large drawing room with good internet with a view over the road to his nemesis neighbour, Neptune.   Neptune was new on the road but had already turned heads with his fashionable clothes, and modern ways, telling everyone the future lay with canals, not the open sea, much more convenient and more suited to contempora ry living. No shipwrecks nor krakens, truly the way forward. He liked to recline in a hammock rocking it gently by prodding the ground with a mighty trident. Poseiden was convinced this and pretty much every action he did   was deliberately...

He was over there, coming out the bushes, I was the first to see him I think   You weren’t   I was   He looked drunk, that’s what we thought isn't it? Swaying this way an that   He was moaning   Hold on, I was gettin to that, when he got close we could hear him   Moaning   Moaning, yes, like, you know   You know   I thought no one comes out of the bushes like that, not good people anyway, I mean what was he doin ?   Well you know   I know now, but then, we didn't did we   No   You don’t expect it do you? Not round here?   Maybe in the cities, but not here.   I grabbed Grace   Yes, I grabbed Luke, well we all did didn't we, it’s not right   You would, wouldn’t you, who’d leave their child on a swing with that thing lumbering toward her   He couldn’t get over the bit of wood they’ve got round it, like a step thing, you know   He fell over   Yes, he fell over and we grabbed the kids ...

They hunkered down behind a sand wall they’ve built to shelter as t iny sand particles roared overhead, like being in a jet engine , get ting lower or risk being pepper sprayed and pockmarked.   The rushing sound cocooned their bodies, wrapped them together in precarious safety, dropping occasionally before swe lling once more, the roar modulating like breathing.   Day after day they held on, their cramped muscles eventually growing distant, tips of bodies disappearing until they were on l y two heads facing each other.   Her eyes still blazed, and lit his up, the grey melting and swirling. After her nose he couldn’t see anymore, the circle of sight was closing in. She blinked and he answered.   The noise levelled into something solid, concrete blanketing their horizons, they stared at each other, feeling smiles they couldn’t see until even th ose flew away, joining the airstream, breaking down into nitrogen and oxygen . Their eyelashes became trace elements...

The press confernce began at 2pm, with the self styled jester with portfolio arriving on a BMX bike . T he kind of situation the world has grown accustomed to nowadays , as we move towards expert extinction . If the planet has no long term future we might as well have some fun being the current mantra of most world leaders.   “ And whilst the jetpacks never materialised, nor dinosaur parks with real dinosaurs we have been  a ble to study an algae from a time long before mankind existed.   Unfortunately , as I guessed at the time, it is pretty much the same as algae found today , near as dammit and therefore I am today announcing the disbanding of all science projects with the money saved going to making brown bread taste nice   and building really massive trampoline parks .